Being Authentic

I decided to write a short and sweet post (one of my favourite sayings 'short and sweet' ;) to update you on the continued journey of COCOLILY & CO. and how I'm building it authentically with a crazy passion for connecting, collaborating with like-minded female entrepreneurs who believe in community over competition. I’m not the type that posts selfies or reveals much, I’m a behind-the-scenes-person and love showcasing others but sometimes I do open up because I’m being me right now and as they say ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’.
You might want to grab your coffee as this is a long post. If you make it to the bottom, email me! lol renee @ cocolilyandco.com ;)

I started COCOLILY & CO. off as a publication - the first print issue was a Limited Edition :: CLASSIC GRACE :: and art for a coffee table.  It took so much time to put together but I had such an incredible team of women who I called friends (sadly we fell apart and I miss them all but sometimes life gets in the way :( - but from my Sr. Graphic Artist, Amanda to the amazing submissions from photographers I received to the support from the Facebook family (back then it was only Facebook that was popular and Twitter *cue the crickets*). 

That brings me to the question of ‘why do you have only 2000 or so followers on Instagram?’ - because we don’t buy fake followers and I literally go through each new follower and sometimes block them because it’s a fake account! I’d rather have authentic followers than thousands of fakes. That’s just me so don’t hate ;)

It went to print and I was overwhelmed with the positive feedback and comments but guess what?  There was no income, money was being lost, I had a family to support (still do) and while this was an amazing venture, truth to be told, hobbies won’t pay the bills :(  We go into business usually for two reasons. One, to pursue our passion and two, to make a living. I decided to take it digital and online.  We sometimes will get knocked down in life but we have to get up and keep trying.

On a side note, I don't know how you ladies do it with products and online shipping out to customers.  I give you so much credit because it's so time consuming to send out one little product - rewarding of course - but honestly, if you have an online shop and ship out to customers, you are a rock star!

Now I have to mention that I am human.  Mistakes are made, websites go down without our knowledge, etc. Having said that, we need to be more supportive of one another rather than posting or emailing hurtful words/shaming someone. The world is cruel enough right? As a female entrepreneur, I wanted to create a supportive space and to make it known that you’re not alone.

If you juggle everything on your own, know that you're NOT alone.  I'm always here if you need to vent or chat and so is the community!  Entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey - which is why I started The COCOLILY Society (that will be re-launched in due time ;)

I am a mommy to two beautiful boys.  I can't say I have luck with the love life but at least God has blessed with me two boys who make me smile when I'm not asking the older one to clean up his room after the 15th time! lol

I started the COCOLILY & CO. Signature Events back in 2010 because it was a passion of mine and I always think 'what would I want as a bride/mom/entrepreneur' and then the ideas start to flow.  My problem is that I have too many creative ideas and too many tabs open.  I'm teaching myself to just focus Daniel Son!

The Original Wedding Soiree started in 2010 at Mississauga Grand Banquet and Event Centre - so you can imagine that when One King West wanted to be a host venue in 2011 I was utterly humbled. That's when the event was taken to a whole new level.  Next to host was Intercontinental Toronto Yorkville - an incredible venue with the most amazing staff!

I also started to produce The Original Mommy Soiree (previously known as The Original Baby Soiree) and it was the first of its kind in 2012 with a Swag Bar and a Moda Parade with some amazing local celebrity appearances such as Cheryl Hickey and Erica Ehm.  I learned so many lessons and met so many people along the way that I still can call my friends - all blessings to me.  If you're one of those friends who have been on my journey since 2010 - you know who you are and I love you lots - thank you for always being here.  Your support means the world to me.  

I seemed to go through event stages and that's how the events in my life always started.  I was getting married so after my wedding, I started The Original Wedding Soiree.  I was pregnant and then started The Original Mommy Soiree.  I was a female entrepreneur, so I started The COCOLILY Social - a creative event for the female entrepreneur.  It was the first of its kind in Ontario and I had something; humbly speaking. 

The day after The COCOLILY Social, I promised my little man that I would take him to play Dinosaur Mini Golf on Clifton Hill and en route, a woman flagged me down asking “Are you Renee” - I hesitated because I wasn’t sure what she wanted lol but I said “Ummm, yes?” and she continued with “I just wanted to personally say thank you for The COCOLILY Social. It was one of the best events I’ve ever attended. It was so inspirational so thank you so much for putting it on”.
That moment made all the sleepless nights disappear. So many incredible women were telling me to bring it to Toronto, including my incredible friend of so many years - Tuti of Rev Communications and new friend, Pina of Chic Mamma - and they would attend each and every one. I had momentum and was starting a trend in boutique-style events for the lady boss. 

But sadly in my personal life, I had too much going on.  I was swimming in the red on the budget spreadsheet from venue costs in Niagara; having to take out loans (please always read the contracts no matter how excited you are and if you have a partner that says she will stick with you no matter what, make sure you get that in writing so you're not stuck footing the entire debt. Actions speak louder than words).  

Aside from the financial loss (let’s just say enough to buy a car!), I was about to lose my mom in May 2016 - two weeks after COCOLILY Social.  She was my rock and sadly had been battling cancer for seven years and it was a roller coaster because we didn't know how much time we actually had with her.  She fought so hard and so long but finally it caught up to her.  The colon cancer started to spread to the lungs and then once it got to the brain, there was nothing that could be done.  I remember I was at a crossroads during the planning of The COCOLILY Social.  I asked my mom 'what should I do?  plan it, produce it, either way I'm losing the money or just cancel it?' She told me to do it, with style and grace and go out with a bang.  I took her advice but wished that she told me to cancel it so I could've spent all my time with her.

I was a single mom and also taking care of my mom while trying to run the business. I was running on adrenaline at that point. I was blessed to be by her side at the hospice every day following that event and I even slept there with my little munchkin in her room.  I was even more blessed to be by her side, holding her hand, as she took her last breath.  That moment in time will be forever etched in my brain and I get tears just thinking about it. 
I developed PTSD and for years felt lost.  I remained strong on the outside for my son because he needed me but I felt so alone.  She left me at her age of 58 - I still needed her.  
Events just left a bad taste in my mouth and I was done.  I couldn't stomach thinking of doing an event :(

Years went by and I tried to heal myself through grief counseling, prayer, amazing friends who turned into family and my family in Poland - far away, yes but they were always there for me.  I felt myself coming back slowly and here I am today.  

If you're still here, thank you for reading everything lol Why did I write that and open myself up?  Because I believe in being real, raw and authentic.  And sometimes telling your story (entrepreneurship, grief, mommyhood, etc.) might help someone else. Those are meant to be in your life, will be in your life and if someone doesn't resonate with you, that's ok.  They are not meant to be on your journey.  

And yes, others came along after plucking away and ideas were taken as their own (Collectives popping up, Ateliers everywhere, lady boss events) but there’s nothing we can do about that right? Imitation is the best form of flattery? Someone will come along and copy something you’ve tried to build because they have more time or more money and we just have to learn to let it go and do our best in our own style. Like Dory said “Just keep swimming.”

That’s why I’m such a huge advocate of community over competition because I’ve been burnt before, back-stabbed, be-friended just to be used in the end for their greater good (introducing them to a high-profile contact and then they disappear). We as women, should be supporting each other and not breaking each other down. I’d rather reach out to like-minded businesses aka competition as they call it, and work together. And that’s another reason as to why I restructured COCOLILY & CO. - because of life experiences. I want to help other female entrepreneurs and build a community of women who rise together (actually that ‘Rise Together’ is from an idea Tuti and I had to build a new event so I can’t take full credit on that ;)

I truly hope you will enjoy COCOLILY & CO. - the community, the support, the vibe, the imagery and the atmosphere in the Signature Events (eventually as I'm too nervous to go live yet for the safety and well-being of all guests plus I love seeing your smiles and masks hide your beautiful faces!) and I hope in time we can meet and celebrate over a Champagne Brunch!  xxo, Renee